5 Steps to Take If Your Spouse Gives You 'the Silent Treatment'
Love & Relationship -
What is the Silent Treatment?
Who of us isn’t guilty of giving someone a strong dose of the silent treatment? Feelings bruised from words spoken or actions taken, we retreat into our silent world, all the while hoping our actions make our mate pay for the harm they’ve done to us.
To be fair, there are times when we must cool off, and this can actually be a healthy action to take. When feeling overwhelmed, it is important and even responsible to pull back, reflect and choose your actions carefully. If you let your mate know you are taking some time to consider how to effectively respond, they will likely be understanding and even appreciative.
Why do we continue to use ‘the silent treatment’ if it is so destructive? It gets back to basics—‘hurting people hurt people’—and research shows that ‘the silent treatment’ is particularly effective in causing damage. No one wants to be on the receiving end of this form of treatment, and we all know it.
Here are Five Steps to resolve "The Silent Treatment"
1. Confront the behaviour.
We should simply acknowledge that they have withdrawn and we want to give them an opportunity to talk it out effectively. Offer them the opportunity to talk, OR to take an agreed-upon timeout.
2. Hold them accountable for withdrawing.
We must make it clear that we notice the behavior, and now invite them to speak directly to you about whatever is bothering them. Additionally, you note to them that their behavior is hurtful. While you cannot make them talk, you can let them know you notice what they are doing.
3. Share your feelings with them.
As you invite them to talk directly with you, let them know the impact their withdrawal has on you. You might say something like this: “I’ve noticed that something seems to be bothering you. You seem to have withdrawn. I want to invite you to talk directly to me about whatever is troubling you. I also want to let you know that I find your prolonged silence to be very hurtful.”
4. If your mate chooses to talk, continue to have a healthy dialogue about the issue.
If they choose to talk to you, share your appreciation with them. Thank them for sharing, reinforcing positive behavior. This will be a quick fix to a potentially troubling situation. If they continue to give you ‘the silent treatment,’ you have no choice then to give them the space they are creating.
5. Be ready for connection when they choose to reconnect.
At this juncture, however, they will need to take responsibility for withdrawing in an unhealthy way and for creating more hurt in the relationship. Hold them accountable for withdrawing and share that you are ready to reconnect when they acknowledge the damage they have done by giving you ‘the silent treatment.’
In summary, silence is a particularly painful weapon and has no place in a healthy relationship. Taking a time out, agreed upon by both people, can be an effective way to get space to reflect, pray and consider a healthy response. You should allow for ‘time outs’ and must agree that ‘the silent treatment’ will never be tolerated.
20 Things A Guy Shouldn’t Do Or Ask When He Meets A Lady – Joro Olumofin Tells NigeriansJoro Olumofin, Relationship expert and psychologist, has revealed twenty things men shouldn’t do or ask when they meet a Lady.Read below;1. Men shouldn’t look at their phones more than the Lady while on a date2. Don’t Talk about your Bank account or how much your father has ; this puts ladies off (Bragging)3. Smelling Bad ( Mouth or Body Odour is a No. No)4. Don’t ask ” are you a virgin?” Don’t ask her how many guys she’s been with ( Body Count)5. If she’s going to pay for the movie or dinner let her know in advance ( no unexpected ATM failures, I forgot my wallet at home)6. When your phone rings on a date and you’re asked where you are? Don’t give a degrading response eg ( I dey with that big ass babe, I dey with tolu big Breasts, I dey with that weekend chops I teh u about”7. Don’t insist on a “come to my house first date” or come to my friends house first date8. Don’t leave your date to talk to another Lady for more that 2 minutes9. Don’t buy her too many gifts she may think ure trying to “buy” her .10. If for any reason someone else needs to be in the car, don’t put her in the back seat11. Don’t compare her to your Ex12. Don’t talk about her weight or hair in a negative way eg ( some guys may say : ure about to burst out of that dress, your hair should be due by now ?)13. After the first sex always call as a courtesy (whether the sex was good or bad)14. Table manners ( don’t make sounds with your mouth while eating, don’t talk while there’s food in yourmouth, don’t use fork and knife for ice cream)15. Focus your eyes on her eyes not her breast or ass. ( don’t look at any other lady asides her on adate)16. Projecting yourself as someone you’re not (Ladies can spot fake confidence, or a fake in general)17. Don’t borrow ur friends car and say it’s yours, don’t lie your friend’s apartment is yours.18. Don’t be too touchy & feely on a first date.20. Don’t be rude or nasty to the waiter or waitress to impress your date.21. Don’t ask her for money.22. Don’t ask for pictures unless she offers
Media Personality, Bolanle Olukanni Has This To Say To Ladies That Are Into ‘Pepper Dem Gang’Media Personality Bolanle Olukanni has an advice for women who think to be a slay queen is all that matters.Bolanle took to her Twitter to share her thoughts saying pepper dem gang is another way of calling yourself proud and materialistic. She also warned ladies not to look at this as the ultimate but be careful with the way they carry themselves.See a screenshot below.
Relationship Expert, Joro Olumofin Gives His Opinion On Ladies Asking Guys For MoneyRelationship blogger and consultant, Joro Olumofin, has shared his opinion on ladies who ask guys for money.According to him, asking guys for items like underwear, iPhone, Hair, Makeup kit won’t change the life of any lady or make them reach their self-actualized State. Instead he advised ladies to ask for things like land, employment, Business Capital or Partnership that will transform their lives.Read his post below:I don’t approve of Ladies asking Guys for money. I believe men and women are equal, feminists even advocate equality between sexes but I’m very disappointed at the requests a lot of ladies make on their Boyfriends or Suitors. Most ladies make requests of items that won’t change their status quo or current state permanently.For example (1) Hair (2) Iphone (3) Dubai Ticket (4) Makeup kit (5) N50,000 / $200 (6) Hair Net (7) UnderwearThese items won’t change your life or make you reach your Self Actualized State.Please ladies from now on, if you’re the TYPE to ask guys for Things.Please ask for (1)Land (2) 500k Loan (3) Employment (4) School Fees(5) Business Capital or PartnershipAsk with a purpose if you’re going to ask for anything at all, don’t ask to remain the same, ask to change.
Whether you’re having sex or not, you should talk about it in your relationshipRefusing to talk about sex means you are leaving your sexual satisfaction to chance.Now that you’re here, let’s talk about how communication about sex is needed in that your relationship, whether it is sex-filled or sexless.Celibacy is a thing. And premarital sex is a thing as well. This is not an article promoting or downplaying the importance of one over the other. If you have chosen one over the other, you must have your reasons for doing so and that’s just fine.Why you should talk about sexFor those who choose to wait till the night of their wedding and those who can’t wait till then to unbox the package, a refusal to discuss sex as openmindedly, fearlessly and with a view to improving will lead to the same thing – frustration, dissatisfaction, resentment and a whole lot of negative vibes thrumming through that relationship and whatever it morphs into.Failure to talk about sex means you are leaving your sexual satisfaction to chance and guess work.While it is true that sex with the same person will somehow get better with time even if you do not talk about it, intentionally communicating about it hastens that process of understanding and the betterment that happens as a result.That sexual spark, the attraction that flares in the pit of your stomach when you look or get very close to your partner is actually great. It means you are sexually attracted to them. But if that’s all you rely on to keep your sex life going for the long haul, I’m sorry that won’t do.Without communicating your needs, and the things that pleasure and delight you, without building a sizzling sexual chemistry through communication, that sexual attraction will soon fizzle out.How to talk about sexWith your partner with whom you’re already having sex, or whom you hope to do it with, discussing sex and how you like it should be as openmindedly and fearlessly, even as explicitly as possible; with a view to orchestrating the orgasmic bliss you’re yet to find, and improving on the ecstatic experiences you’ve already had.Aim to not be judgmental and to not be childish about it. Either of these will make your partner clamp up and could cause them to never express their deepest desires, or ever live them out.And until your partner becomes comfortable enough to tell you every sexual thing they want to do with you, you may never achieve the maximum pleasure possible with them.And what a terrible shame that would be.
My Boyfriend Is Sleeping With His Cousin – Girl Narrates Shocking StoryA girl who suspects her boyfriend might be sleeping with his cousin raised alarm on social media.It appears that several Nigerian youths have been engaging in incest secretly with several cases coming out everyday.This lady has come out to insinuate that her boyfriend might be having s*x with his cousin. She is scared of confronting him as she continues to live in fear.Relationship blogger and adviser, Joro Olumofin has published her story and the reactions have been massive.Read the details below:
I'm So Desperate To Sleep With My Rich Uncle – Nigerian Girl Opens UpRelationship adviser, love doctor and online psychologist, Joro Olumofin has shared the story of a lady who wants to sleep with her uncle.According to her, the man is a politician and he is very rich. She claims that his wife is not good-looking and needs advice of social media users on how to get the man.Read her story below;
3 reasons this Valentine was made specially for you and your spouse.1. Valentine's Day can rekindle the romance in your marriage. Here is a day, literally thrown in your face, for you to be super romantic. You've got it in you, just think back to when you were dating. You are a romantic being, and you just need to freshen up your skills a bit. Here is your chance. When else do you actually go all-out in being romantic and thoughtful in planning a day, or a special evening for your spouse? Perhaps on your anniversary...maybe...but that's about it. So why not add Valentine's Day to your list of romantic days to celebrate, and just make it happen? One suggestion we love is to switch off planning either Valentine's Day or your anniversary with your spouse every year. Which means that if you plan a spectacular Valentine's Day, then your husband or wife will plan a wonderful anniversary. And next year you will switch. Give it a go and see if it works for you.2. Being intentional about celebrating Valentine's Day can nurture your marriage. Being intentional about your relationship can make it or break it. Couples who aren't intentional about their marriages often start to drift apart without even realizing it. So, decide to be intentional about Valentine's Day and take advantage of the opportunity it gives you to nurture your marriage. Now, being intentional doesn't mean that you have to celebrate Valentine's Day the way jewelry companies suggest. You can create your own traditions. Maybe your tradition is to always go skiing together on Valentine's Day, or to eat Valentines Day candy while you watch your favorite chick flick. Or perhaps you are more ambitious, and you decide to always (from here on out) schedule a getaway together over Valentine's Day weekend.Whatever you do, just choose to make this day a big deal. And, you don't have to spend a lot of money to make Valentine's Day special. Being intentional about a day of love (even if you don't like the idea of it) will help you learn to be intentional about your marriage every other day of the year, too.3. Valentine's Day gives you a chance to express love in a special way. Literally, you are being given a chance to express love on THE love day of the year. To simply choose not to express love on this day would be ridiculous. Just like Thanksgiving and Christmas, Valentine's Day is set apart for a certain purpose. It's a day to express, show, and tell your spouse (or significant other) how much you love him/her.What I'm getting at here is this; Valentine's Day should be a big deal for you and your spouse! Don't let Valentine's Day pass you by this year. Choose to plan ahead, to be intentional, and to celebrate your marriage in a meaningful way. Then, watch the spark's fly!
“Intimacy Is Not FORNICATION For Engaged Couples” – Daddy FreezeDaddy Freeze has revealed that engaged couple having sex is not fornication because the word fornication comes from the Greek word ‘pornea’ which means prostitution or LovePeddler mongering.Read his post which he attached biblical backings to…An engaged couple having sex is not, has never been and can never be FORNICATION!.–The word that king james translated into the English word Fornication is the greek word ‘pornea’ which meant prostitution or LovePeddler mongering. At no time was pornea associated with a young couple who are engaged and having sex, that’s the English definition by King James who many believe, with alleged historical evidence, was either gay or bisexual himself.–The greatest prostitution (pornea) is idolatry which is practiced in many churches today, where the congregation idolizes their pastor to the point where they choose him over God.–Here is what the Bible says:–◄ Hebrews 13:4 ►King James BibleMarriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.–Although many translations have substituted the words ‘fornication’ and the phrases ‘sexual immorality’ and ‘sexual sins’ for ‘pornea’ its wrong, here King James has the closest translation ‘LovePeddler mongering’ which means patronizing prostitutes and practicing prostitution which is actually what Pornea means.–The Old Testament is even clearer on this, as prostitution is likened to idolatry.–◄ Ezekiel 23 ►New Living Translation Yet she turned to even greater prostitution, remembering her youth when she was a prostitute in Egypt.  She lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey’s and emissions like those of a horse. You will be fully repaid for all your prostitution—your worship of idols. Yes, you will suffer the full penalty. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD.”–◄ Hosea 1:2 ►New Living TranslationWhen the LORD first began speaking to Israel through Hosea, he said to him, “Go and marry a prostitute, so that some of her children will be conceived in prostitution. This will illustrate how Israel has acted like a prostitute by turning against the LORD and worshiping other gods.
True Love : Bride rides with her groom on a customized motorcycle on their Wedding DayAccording to reports on social media, a man couldn’t afford a vehicle to convey his wife on their wedding day, so he used his motorcycle.Love is blind and selfless they say and the scenario above seems to affirm this assertion.This not-so-rich-man carried his newly wedded bride on an okada as they got married, and the lady was happy about it.She was pictured smiling in excitement as people around her took pictures. The front of the bike carried the placard which read, ‘Just Wedded’.